If You Think Rape is Ever Justifiable, I Don’t Want to Know You.
Getting this concept is why Alex is one of my room-mates.
So, women are starting to loudly decry the whole, “Don’t get raped” advice that we’ve had shoved down our throats for our entire lives, and the lives of our fore-mothers, back to the beginnings of time. We’re starting to say things like, “Why are you worrying about my clothes, when you could be teaching men/boys/people that it is never permissible to rape someone?”
Because this is the crux of it.
Short skirts don’t rape. Liquor doesn’t rape. Parties don’t rape.
Rapists rape.
Women, men, children, don’t “get raped.” Rapists rape them.
Why are we focusing on what the victims should/shouldn’t do and not on what the fucking rapists shouldn’t do? Which is to say, why aren’t we telling people that it is NEVER ok to rape?
Some of you will try to tell me that we already do that.
And some of you will make laugh until I pee when you try desperately to convince me of that.
Because every time anyone says that a rape victim was asking for it. Anytime someone asks what a rape victim was wearing, what they were drinking, what they were doing where the rape happened, you’re setting up a situation in which the rape becomes the victim’s fault and not the fault of the actual perpetrator. You know, the rapist.
A great many rapists know that if they stick to situations that aren’t “stranger with knife or gun leaps out of bushes in dark alley” they are most likely going to get away with it. If they rape their girlfriend, or a friend, if they get a girl really drunk and start coercing her. If they are invited back to her place, or invite her back to theirs, then they have given themselves plausible deniability in the eyes of our exceptionally rape apologist culture.
“I didn’t know she didn’t want it, she came up to my place, what did she expect?”
I don’t know, to sit and talk with you for a while to get to know you better? To watch a movie with someone she trusted? Possibly even to have sex with you, ON HER TERMS, not have you force yourself on her.
This is the thing, you can want to have sex with someone, but not RIGHT NOW, or THIS WAY, or any of it. You can intend to have sex with someone, and then realize something is off, something is wrong, they aren’t listening to you when you tell them not to do something. Wanting at some point to have sex with someone does NOT give them carte blanche with your body, just as having previously having had sex with someone does not give them carte blanche with your body. Nor does having had sex with someone else give anyone else carte blanche with your body. Consent is not transitive.
And honestly, if you can’t figure this shit out, just stay far away from me, because if that’s the case, I can’t trust you. If you think, “Well, if she’s passed out, that’s not a big deal,” I don’t want you in my house, or near any of my friends.
Polimicks 
I’ve had men think that, because I had sex with their friend or brother, I somehow owed THEM sex too. And in at least one of those cases, they went ahead and raped me when I said no. I think the others would have done the same, if we had been in a place where they could have raped me without witnesses.
I’m wondering if someone reading this could explain why men have this ridiculous notion?
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I wish I could explain it, then maybe we could fix it. It mostly goes back to the way this society conditions men to think about sex as a finite quantity that women are trying to keep from them, because everyone knows women don’t like sex and therefore have to be coerced into it…
I hate the way we view sex.
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I don’t have any real idea why this is. My guess is there are still some guys stuck in the old idea of women being property, and if one is somehow “ruined” by having relations with someone who didn’t “buy” her first (i.e., marriage or engagement), then she must be open for business to anyone. As for the relatives angle, maybe it’s not that – maybe it’s just that relatives are more likely to know you’ve had sex with one of theirs, so they feel safer taking what they want.
At any rate, I’m sorry this happened to you. Jackasses.
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❤
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“Consent is not transitive.” Beautiful!
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[You know, what? Just no. No more airtime to rape apologists. They get enough.]
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It isn’t just men who do this. If anyone thinks rape is justified I don’t want to know them.
You felt able to forgive your rapist, great. I don’t. And I don’t have to.
Yes, we’re animals, we’re mammals, but you know what? If we can figure out that it’s wrong to kill and steal, then we can also figure out it’s wrong to rape. It really isn’t a difficult concept.
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[Deleted for more rape apology bullshit. NO ONE NEEDS TO RAPE TO SURVIVE EVER. Peddle your amateur evo-psych bullshit someplace else.]
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There is a WORLD of difference between consenting roleplay and actual rape. That is some very basic BDSM 101 shit. Ok?
You really need to wrap your head around that before you fuck other human beings. Got it?
RAPE IS WRONG. ALWAYS.
If you are engaging in a pre-negotiated, fully consented to “rape scene,” that is not actually rape.
And no one, not you, not the law, not anyone gets to tell rape survivors how they cope. You wanted to forgive? Awesome.
You are lining up a shit-ton of false equivalencies to justify something.
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