Fighting the Good Fight and Fighters Need a Break Sometimes

This is pretty much how I feel ALL THE TIME right now.

WARNING:  I’m angry as fuck in here.  And I know that has a tendency to fluster the delicate constitutions of the dudes in the audience.  I’m not in the least little bit interested in being nice about this shit.  Straw. Camel. Back.

This is an edit of a rant I posted on my facebook the other day after having to unfriend about the millionth old friend who just didn’t understand why I hated straight white males so much over, of all things, Seth Fucking McFarlane.  About whom I will rant later.  He posted that fucked up apologist bullshit article in the Advocate* about why it wasn’t Seth McFarlane’s fault, or that we just didn’t get his genius or some shit.  And my response was that if your “satire” is indistinguishable from what you’re satirizing, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.  Said conversation then degenerated into a bunch of derailing tactics including “Don’t you have better things to protest” and “Why do you hate men?”

This resulted in me venting on my Facebook, and him bringing the fight over there.  As a friend of mine said, watching the fight on my Facebook as I named derailing tactics and he doubled down: “Wow.  It’s always amazing to me to witness an actual object lesson occur in real time – with the whole “listen to me do exactly what you’re describing while I tell you I’m not doing exactly what you’re describing” bonus soundtrack.”

I would like to point out, before getting into the meat of what I really want to talk about here, that I am not providing any identifiable information about this person, save gender, and I know a lot of dudes.  So, I’m not outing anyone here.  If they out themselves, well that’s their poor judgement, now isn’t it?

The Rant:

Sometimes I get tired. I get tired of reading news article after news article about how members of our government don’t think I qualify as fully enfranchised citizen of my country. I get tired of reading about women and girls raped, brutalized, and then blamed for their own abuse.

I don’t have to LOOK for this shit. It’s just there. I’m not going anywhere special, there is no “Man-Haters Daily” that I subscribe to, looking for examples of why dudes suck. This is shit in the every day, boring old news that you all see and read.

Not to mention that I don’t think Dudes suck. I think Dudes are pretty awesome, but I also think Dudes are full human beings who can control their own damn selves and won’t lose all control at the flash of an ankle.

Feminists aren’t the ones who hate men. WE aren’t the ones who think you’re all rapists. Rapists think you’re all rapists. Fundamentalist Christians and “conservatives” think you’re all rapists. Anyone who has ever uttered the phrase, “You can’t wave a steak in front of a starving dog” in response to hearing about rape, thinks you are ALL rapists, like them.

I get tired of repeating Feminism 101 lessons to one clueless dude after another (and women, let’s be fair). I get tired of hearing how I need to calm down and not be angry. How am I NOT supposed to get angry when I hear how a bunch of old white dudes don’t think birth control should be covered, or that I shouldn’t be allowed to decide what happens to my body? How am I not supposed to be angry when elected officials say shit like, “Some girls rape easy?”

I am tired half to death of having the same conversation over and over and over and over and hearing either, “You’re too emotional,” or “Well, you obviously aren’t terribly upset about this, or you’d be more emotional. ”

Look, assholes. If it hurts your feelings when I post and talk about rape awareness, body shaming, slut shaming, or any of the million other things I frequently rant about, think how much it hurts MY feelings to realize that I’m surrounded by assholes who don’t think I’m actually a human being. Think about how much it hurts my feelings to realize that you don’t really think I deserve the same rights and bodily autonomy that you have.

End Initial Rant.

I’d like to extend this.  Refusal to recognize bodily autonomy can be as heinous as denying women abortions they want and/or need, like not taking “no” as an answer where sex is concerned, to having a fucking temper tantrum if she doesn’t want to bone you, to causing a scene if she won’t let you buy her a drink.  ALL OF THESE THINGS demonstrate that you don’t think women should get to make that choice.  And do not even fucking start in on the denialism.  Because we all know it’s bullshit.  What you’re saying in all of these situations is, “I, the dude, know better than you what you want/need in this situation.”  In the case of abortion, it’s protestors and fucking backward politicians throwing up hurdle after hurdle.  In the case of sex, it’s rapists forcing their way into another person’s body.  And in the case of dating or buying someone a drink, it’s these smug, self-satisfied dickheads who think they have a right to “reason” you out of your “no” or they call you a bitch, cunt, whore, throw a drink on you, spit on you, etc…

All of these things stem from a common root.

And so does telling women what we should be angry about.  What you’re saying is that you think you’re smarter than us about the sexism we endure every fucking day of our lives.  If we tell you that Seth McFarlane’s routine at the Oscars was fucking sexist?  It’s sexist.  Did he INTEND it to be witty satire and not an offensive parroting of everyday sexist bullshit?  That is entirely possible.  But if that was his intent, HE FAILED.  BADLY.  HEINOUSLY.  It was a bomb of atomic proportions.  And you, dudely dude from Dudetown, do not get to decide for us whether or not it offended us.

And yeah, extra points for insinuating we’re just too dumb to get it.

And bonus to all those dudes who tell me I just want to live in an echo chamber.

No.  I want one fucking space in my online life that isn’t a constant fight.

I’m tired.  I just want to look at stupid cat pictures, hot people of all genders, repost some support of marriage equality and other human rights issues and not be inundated with know-it-all, pedantic, self-righteous douchebags who wouldn’t know sexism if walked up and, in the immortal words of a Stranger “I Saw You” ad, Beyonce-ed all over their face.

Look, here’s an agreement:  I won’t tell you how to pee your name in the snow, you quit telling me I don’t know sexism when it beats me over the head with its penis, ok?

*Dear Advocate, For your use of the term “over-sized” to refer to Melissa McCarthy, Queen Latifah, and Adele, you can also fuck right off.  For the love of FUCK what is wrong with you?