Leftist commentary from a mouthy bitch

Rape Myth #2: She owed me.

You know, I should just start everyone of these posts with the word “Bullshit.”

Here’s the deal, sunshine. No one owes you access to their body, ever. Never ever. Never, ever, never. Never, ever, never, ev… You get the idea.

There is not thing one you can do to make someone owe you access to their body. We’ll discuss sex-workers later, and the answer is still no.* But for right now, let us just discuss dating relationships.

Now according to RAINN.ORG, you can find the link in the last post, about 73% of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knew. Boyfriend, friend, family member, co-worker… Seventy-fucking-three percent. But we’ll get to the myth of “Stranger Rape” later.**

A common reasoning for raping women (there are many, and we’ll work our way down the list eventually) is that a woman “owes” a man sex for buying her a drink, dinner, taking her to a movie, driving her somewhere, buying her a gift, being married to her…

No one ever owes you sex.

I don’t care if you’re married and the sole bread-winner. I don’t care if you splurged on tickets to a Tony Award-winning play. Hell, I don’t even care if you bought her a Happy Meal and a coke.

No one ever owes you sex.

If you would like to have sex with someone, why don’t you try being the sort of person they want to have sex with? You know, nice, respectful, not a strong-arming, entitlement-minded douche who feels it’s his right to take what he wants by force, drugging or coercion.

I don’t even know how to explain it any clearer than that. I just can’t. Honestly, and any situation you can come up with, in which you THINK someone could possibly owe you sex…? Just picture me standing there with a bat or a hockey stick, smacking it against my palm, saying repeatedly, “No.”

I mean, shit, I can’t even make that funny. There is no cute and clever way to state what SHOULD be obvious to any creature with half a brain on this planet and any other.


I’m serious. And I don’t want to hear a single fucking word about how you spent so much time or money or effort. No, doesn’t matter. No one owes you sex. No one owes you access to their body. No one. NO ONE. *insert image of me with baseball bat*

*I said, we’ll get to that later.
**This is part of why these posts are so difficult. They just keep leading to more and more things to discuss and refute. I’m trying to remain disciplined about this.

5 comments on “Rape Myth #2: She owed me.

  1. sheyeblaze
    August 8, 2008

    I did this research as part of my legal marriage abolition essay — but there are even some states where it is still *legal* to rape your spouse.


  2. sheyeblaze
    August 9, 2008

    P.S. And very apropos of needing to get this particular cluexfour is this post in polaymory:


  3. drakemonger
    August 9, 2008

    I agree with you entirely, except for one minor point – I believe a Happy Meal *comes* with a coke.


    • spisce_hot
      August 10, 2008

      sure, but it doesn’t come with the second Coke I like to drink with it.


  4. ayeshadream
    August 11, 2008

    Yeah this is crap and it still fucking happens. One of my friends is currently going through a messy devorce and before she got the useless sack out of the house he decided that she owed him sex. Even more twisted, before the relationship ended he only seemed to want sex from her when she didn’t want it. When she initated, he’s say he had already taken care of it, but if she were stressed, about to take a final, or just plain wasn’t in the mood he’d want sex and be pushy about it.
    Sex as control and maniplulation is also sadly something that happens- and shouldn’t.


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This entry was posted on August 8, 2008 by in Uncategorized.

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