Leftist commentary from a mouthy bitch

Rape Myth #4: Men can’t be raped.


Brimming over with wrongability.

According to http://www.rainn.org, 1 in 33 men have been/will be sexually assaulted.

So, yes, they can. In lots of the same ways as women. Forced oral or anal penetration are just as much rape as forced vaginal penetration. Men can also have erections when they don’t want to and completely against their will. With the man restrained, or being threatened with weapons, a rapist of either gender can in fact do what they will with said erection.

For men, the trauma of rape is just as devastating, and in some ways far more shocking. While, I think, every woman lives with the spectre of rape hanging over their heads, most men don’t give it a second thought. It rarely occurs to them that someone would force them to perform some sort of sex act, or to force one upon them. I don’t know that the emotional wreckage IS any worse for them. In a lot of ways, they go through the same self-blaming that female rape victims go through. They should have been able to stop it. Maybe they secretly wanted it or broadcast signals that they wanted it. If the rapist is a woman, then there’s the added “But I’m a guy, I’m supposed to want sex from all women all the time.” And the added bonus of being the “stronger” sex, means that they feel if other men find out they will be diminished in their eyes.

Men are far less likely to seek help or treatment after a sexual assault than women are. And considering how hesitant most women are to seek treatment, that’s saying something. Men are also far less likely to press charges or go to the police. And after discussing his rape with one male friend who did try to press charges after being raped by several women, I can totally understand why.

The fact is, most police forces, even today, aren’t adequately trained to deal with female rape victims, let alone male rape victims. Inappropriate comments, ridicule, snide attacks on the victim’s sexual orientation, suggestions that if they hadn’t really wanted it, as a man, they definitely could have stopped it.

And here’s where I start to sound like a broken record.

No one asks to be raped. I don’t care what you’re doing or wearing or not wearing or where you are. No one, male or female, wants this to happen to them. When someone says no, regardless of gender, and you don’t stop, you’re a rapist. It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl or a guy.

And for any of my male friends who may have been assaulted, I’m always here. I always have an ear and a shoulder. And I will always keep your secret. If I do allude to it in one of these posts, it will be in such a way that no one will ever know it was you. Or, if you ask, I will never allude to it. No one should have to deal with this crap alone.

Also, if I’ve gotten anything wrong here, being as my perception of rape is that of a female survivor, please feel free to email me privately: miss underscore sirriamnis at yahoo dot com

ETA: Link to a letter describing reactions to a man’s description of marital rape: http://community.feministing.com/2008/08/sexism-hurts-men-too-sarcasm-t.html Could be troubling to some.

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This entry was posted on August 12, 2008 by in Uncategorized.

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