Leftist commentary from a mouthy bitch

Unwanted Attention is the Crux of Creep: Part the Fourth

Sometimes it isn't about you, until you make it about you.

Sometimes it isn’t about you.

Reading back over the previous three Crux of Creep posts, I’ve noticed something.  Several of the illustrative examples I’ve given of women thinking guys are creeps have to do with women turning down men for reasons that have NOTHING to do with the man in question.  The men only acquire creep status when they demand an explanation or otherwise will not take no for an answer.

I, and other women, have turned men down because we’re tired and don’t have the energy to engage, because we’ve lost a pet or loved one, because we’re already in a relationship or possibly already otherwise engaged in the courtship dance with someone else, or we might not be into your gender.

None of these reasons have anything to do with your worth as a person, or you at all.  Just as, often, the reasons you’re hitting on a complete stranger have very little to do with the person they actually are.

I’ll wager that everyone has days or times when they just don’t feel like putting any more than the bare minimum of energy or politesse into their interactions with others, male/female, cis/trans… Everyone has days where they would happily put on the tutu of “I don’t give a shit” and do the “Fuck you” dance on the front lawn.

Look, I know it takes a lot of effort for many folks of all genders to work up the nerve to hit on someone, and getting shot down sucks.  However, this does not excuse you from respecting other people’s wishes and boundaries.

No one owes you a shot at them, and you need to realize that often the reason for their “No,” may have very little to do with you.  Maybe you just caught them at a bad time, maybe they’re sick, maybe they had a shitty day at work, or maybe you just don’t do it for them, for reasons, that again, probably have very little to nothing to do with you personally.

You only become a creep when you don’t respect their boundaries by respecting their “No.”

I don’t know how many times I have to repeat this:  when someone tells  you “No,” or otherwise rebuffs you, just take “No” for an answer and back off.  They don’t owe you an explanation, they may not want to give you an explanation.  I sure as hell didn’t want to have to tell someone I barely knew that my grandfather had just died.  I don’t want to have to tell you I’m having a shit day, or have a cold, or in a relationship.  I just want to politely tell you I’m not interested, and go about my day.  Or if the headphones are in and the book is open, I don’t want to tell you anything.

2 comments on “Unwanted Attention is the Crux of Creep: Part the Fourth

  1. Darrius26
    November 4, 2010

    So I agree with everything you have said however I think one thing does need to be added. That while no one is owed a shot, everyone is owed at the very least a modicum of courtsey and respect. I as
    the one doing the hitting upon have on many occasions screwed up my courage done the hitting to be greeted with a look that says “what rock did you crawl out from under and what made you think that you could actually hit on me!” all the way up to an actual comment of “you mst be at least this attractive to talk to me.”

    At which point since I knew the person throwing the oarty I was at I got her 86’d.

    The point howewver remains that if you are the rejector one should not be a complete douche untill the hiter actually engages in creep like behavior


  2. polimicks
    November 9, 2010

    I’ve actually covered that before, not in huge depth here, but I have talked about it extensively at the old site.

    I have rounded on friends of mine for being jerks to someone who hit on them respectfully, because what does it cost to say, “No, thank you.”

    However, there may be a lot of extenuating circumstances you’re not aware of, that again, have nothing to do with you. And yeah, it sucks if someone takes out their shitty day on you, but sometimes it happens in many different contexts. The asshole who “loses” your paperwork, the woman who runs her cart over your foot… The courtship dance is not exempt from human exasperations. So, yeah, those girls may well have been awful human beings, but they may also have been normally nice human beings who had reached some tipping point independent of you.


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This entry was posted on November 3, 2010 by in Featured Articles, Sexism and tagged .

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