Leftist commentary from a mouthy bitch
Yeah, so I want on a little Twitter rant the other day, because I periodically remember all the stupid things people say and have said to me about my weight. And I would like to address some of this bullshit here for your edification. I’ll explain each a little more. Twitter is a bit limited.
1. Loose skin. It sucks and honestly I think it looks worse than the fat did. Removal NOT covered by insurance.
Loose skin, it jiggles more. It hangs. It gets in the way. It fucks up the way things fit. Oh, and you can’t get it removed because insurance views it as strictly aesthetic and it’s like $4000 just to get your arms done.
2. Your joints can hurt worse. Because it fucks up your gait. You walk differently.
For YEARS people have been all, “Oh, if you lose weight your knees will hurt less.” Guess what, jerks? No, that’s not how it works. My knees hurt more because my gait has changed, my center of gravity has shifted, everything is different.
3. You get hella clumsy for awhile. Your body feels off, constantly.
That whole Center of Gravity thing.
4. Not knowing how big you are. A. Loose skin spreads more than fat. B. Your size fluctuates like crazy while it’s going on.
I’ve always had trouble thinking I’m bigger than I am. This has only exacerbated it. More on this later.
5. It’s expensive. I had to buy two new wardrobes from the skin out, & I work in an office. Thank gods for Old Navy & Forever 21 & Costco.
95% of my wardrobe comes from those three stores. I had to buy, from the underwear out, two entirely new wardrobes, at least for work. I’ve lost something like 4-6 sizes. I would try to get dressed and my shirts would fall off my shoulders. I had a skirt fall off my hips while I was walking home one night. NOTHING FIT. I was constantly fighting with my underwear trying to get it to stay up.
6. Bras. Those of you with breasts will understand.
Right before the surgery that led to this, I bought three brand new bras. That cost me $120. Guess what don’t fit anymore?
7. All the well-meaning but clueless who don’t understand how triggery their congratulations are, for those of us who didn’t lose on purpose.
My biggest eating disorder trigger is not weight gain. It’s weight loss. Because my brain, my evil brain that has been trying to kill me, chimes in with, “Wow! Look at that! And you weren’t even trying! How much weight could you lose if you quit eating all together and did nothing but work out every second of every minute you’re not at work?” The congratulations and “Atta, girls!” don’t help at all with this. AT ALL.
8. Oh yay, construction workers & frat boys find me harassable again. 😐
Because I missed that shit. Not.
9. Back to loose skin, finding shirts that fit torso & upper arms nearly impossible. Relegated to tents and golf sweaters & men’s shirts.
Golf sweaters fit looser in the shoulders and upper arms because of how a golf swing works. So, they’re kind of perfect. I love golf sweaters. I wear a Medium at Old Navy, UNLESS it has sleeves. Then it’s at LEAST an XL. Because loose skin hanging off my upper arms. Seriously, I hate this shit so much.
10. People asking “How I did it?” Had an organ removed and shit uncontrollably for a year. You’re welcome.
Yup. They took out my gall bladder. The reassurances that my diet would be back to normal in no time were LIES! I still can’t eat beef. Too much half and half in my coffee sends me racing for the restroom (which is fun in meetings!) and the idea of bacon makes me want to cry. If I weren’t so scared of red meat I might be bored with chicken, turkey, and very carefully curated fish. We might try venison and see if that’s ok.
11. And this is the big one… IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHETHER MY FAT ASS LOSES WEIGHT OR NOT.
12. Betrayed by shoes. Fat girls think, “At least I’ll always have my shoes.” Nope. Feet narrowed by half a size.
Yup. Had to get rid of a LOT of shoes. Granted, the Danskos I had almost given away fit WAY better now, so there’s one win. But I had to buy new boots, new work shoes, new fucking everything.
13. Body dysmorphia. I think that’s right. I have zero idea how big I am. I still think i’m a 3x. Husband buys me L, it fits.
I’m getting better but for the longest time I would get in the shower and when I went to wash myself with my eyes closed, I would freak out because it felt like so much of my body was missing. Just gone. My ass wasn’t as big as it should be. My thighs. I just can’t even tell you how fucking disturbing that feels. Plus, I still can’t be trusted to buy clothing for myself because I will dive straight for the XXL and XXXL’s every time. I’ve started letting the husband buy most of my clothes because he DOES know how big I am.
14. “I bet if you lost weight your periods wouldn’t be so bad.” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA… wheeze, gasp… HA HA HA HA HA HA
I had a medical professional say this to me. For the record, I would just like to say, and I’m paraphrasing one of my favorite cartoons, “Awww, isn’t that cute? BUT IT’S WRONG!!!!!” Yeah… not so much. They’re a little more erratic now. But it’s like my uterus sees the light of day and is digging for freedom or something. Seriously, I used to think I had bad cramps. Now I see those were just the pre-game show, so to speak. Oh, and PMS migraines have made an appearance. Wheeeeee!!!!!
15. I don’t think you appreciate the magnitude of the loose skin. Partners regularly lean on it, pinching painfully, during sex or cuddles.
Yeah, when I had long hair, the husband would regularly wind up laying on it and pulling. Now that I have long arm skin, the husband regularly winds up laying or propping himself up during sex on it. Kind of a mood-killer. It hurts, a lot. Like those puppy nips that get just a little skin and hurt super bad? Like that. Times ten.
16. Discovering your docs are/were fat phobic fucks when organ removal cure problem you complained about for years & were told “lose weight.”
So, for ages the doctor I fired, who coincidentally was one of the people saying my period would be less horrible if I lost weight, for getting mad at me me when my fucking perfect blood test results messed up her lecture to me about how being fat was killing me right now as we speak, would not treat my “heartburn.” I took acid reducers, I ate Tums like they were gonna nuke the factory in the morning. Nothing touched it. But she kept on with how if I lost “the weight” I wouldn’t have heartburn anymore.
You know what gall bladder attacks can feel like in women?
You guessed it. Heartburn.
I have been living with “heartburn” for over a decade because that medical “professional” could not see her way clear to treating my fat ass for the things I went in to see her for. Yeah. A decade of gall bladder attacks. So angry.
17. Truly clueless telling me how “lucky” I am & offering tips for further weight loss until told to go fuck themselves with a Sara Lee cheesecake.
Lucky. Yup, one 4 day stay in the hospital after throwing up for 10 consecutive hours, two surgeries, one near miss with the anesthesia (yeah, kinda almost died because of the anesthesia), and a shitload of medical bills later, I sure feel lucky. Get bent.
The luckiest thing about this entire venture is that I have really good health insurance. Otherwise we’d be truly fucked.
18. “No, seriously, how did you do it?” *bangs head against wall*
And for the grand finale, all of the people who refuse to believe everything I’ve told you here about the surgery, the recovery, the inability to eat beef, all of it. They want to believe I found a secret diet pill I’m keeping from them to keep them “fat.” And most of these folks aren’t even actually fat. Or even in-betweenie. They’re mostly relatively thin people. I don’t know, maybe they’re asking for a friend. Hell…